monday….

i have this frightening recurring dream that i will marry my ex fiancee. its been going on for a while now, though i never think about him during the day, or at night, i appear permanetly offline to him on my IM, and i make no contact watsoever. but the moment i close my eyes he is there, every inch of him. i have a new man or at least am trying to make my heart accept him, but i cant help thinking these dreams are a message from God. i have very intimate dreams about him, and i wake up wondering if am truly over him why am i still dreaming about him????? its scares the hell out of me to assume that somehow somewhere we shall get back together. i dont want that to happen, i dont want to marry him and i dont want anything to do with him, so if there is a David in the house can u please interpret this one for me….its driving me crazy!!

meanwhile i today i shed tears as i listened/watched news about a man in Austria who had imprisoned his daughter for 24 years and fathered 6 six kids with her, am totally disturbed by that. i mean she is his daughter!! and all the while her mother never knew!!she was living in the same house….aiiiiihhhhh am really depressed.

am a bit tired today so wont write much but will be back tomorrow i still have a very interesting theory on china!

a little suprise

today i got a little suprise, pleasant i must add. rarely do i get breakfast in bed but today has been an exception. all the same i got an invitation to attend the world youth forum in Canada in August to say am beyond happy is an understatement. i wanted to attend this confrence for basically two reasons, peace child organisatioon is an organisation that aims to promote peace and human rights especially for children. close to my heart are two special groups of people, children and gays. both have a few things in common, they both cannot do anything about what they are, both are usually helpless about their situations, and both are victimised because of their vulnerability.

deep down when i chose to go to law school, i knew why i was doing it. i knew what field i want to practise in and i knew why. i cry when i see a baby cry, am silly like that, but most of all i hate hate hate that the way the children of the developing world are treated. i personally boycotted visiting the US until they ratify the convention of children rights. they are the only country that has not ratifyed it in the entire world. just like they are among the countries that have not ratified the rome statute. children are special to me in a way that nobody understands. gays are just special because they are different, but children is because they are too small to do anything, they are not big enough to fight off the man next door who touches them in appropriately, they are gullible enough to follow a stranger with the mere promise of a sweet, and they are not bright enough to plan their escape routes and they do not know why the world is the way it is. i see myself as person who should work on their behalf, i would probably give up all my salary to pay fees for a child i dont know. the children in Darfur, somalia and Congo have never known what it feels like to play kati, bladder or football, all they know is how to dodge gunfire and how to run. they have never known what it feels like to sit with your family on a sunday afternoon and just do nothing, some dont even know where their parents are. it sad that the future generations will grow up with such bitterness.

if nothing is done, the world will never be a better place, they will be the leaders of kenya, Tanzania, DRC and Sudan in the next 30-40 years, that bitterness will never have left them, thats why rebel groups will always have a new leader. thats is why am excited to be able to attend this conference, me as boinah, i may not make much of a difference, but together will all the others who may have similar goals, we can start from somewhere. This may be the stepping stone to making a difference. i akways knew God had destined me to do something, i just dint know how big or how great his plans were. I will do His work, because children are a gift from God and the is why He always tell us to be like children, innocent, humble and honest.

have to run to work now, so till tomorrow

i have no appropriate title for this post. i dont even know what i want to write about. am at a point where everyone and everything is boring. i cant stand my friends, i find them shallow and i cant stand my books either, am increasingly getting bored of watching TV, and i dont like food anymore. i never read newspapers and the man i though i loved, i feel nothing for anymore.

am wondering whether its just a phase am going through or whats wrong with me.  and now am tired of writting this so lets hope tomorrow i will be in a better mood. i have an interesting theory on china!!

this is why we should have been colonised for longer……

i got bored of writting about the mungiki, yes you all have your opinions and i respect that, i have my opinions crazy as they may seem i actually stiil admire the group! same way i admire mugabe. but thats a story for another day. i have been thinking, where would kenya be if we had been colonised till lets say 1990 or 1995…ever thought about it? i think and this should not be constured as a racist remark, that black people just dont have the brains to run a country, in the exception of Rwanda whose president won my heart, the rest of the African presidents, ruling class or whatever you want to call those greedy men and women,we have achieved close to nothing in the 44 years that we acquired independence. we should have let the white man stick around for longer, God knows we would have better facilities,infrastucture and good governance, believe me when i tell you that the views i write are just in my head, i have no political knowledge watsoever and the views written here should never be understood to represent who i am as an individual.

we do not have the capability of governing ourselves that is why we will remain poor,underpreviledged and disorganised. a few examples, DRC is one of the richest countries in the world,has a vast resource of minerals, but wapi the dudes are busy killing each other, look at Nigeria, actually look at most African countries with the exception of A handful. something is wrong with Africans, poverty and disease is our name! really think about it, why is it that we are the richest continent yet the poorest? exploiation, unfair trade bla bla bla, kwani we dont have people with brains to sort it out. Africans forget that the world needs them just as much as they need the world, establishing trading blocks would work in our favour but nobody wants to take on the big guns! why the hell is somali still fighting???? what are the even fighting for?????? sudan????? congo????? then we have countries like tanzania..what do they do????? they just sit there, and do nothing, Tanzania could sink and the world would not notice, come on guys we need to hear you!

something is wrong with us Africans, i swear we are the only people who can wake up one morning and hack our neighbours to death just becasue some idiot who is chasing power said so! this power is the source of all our problems, here is what i suggest, lets give Britain the country to run in for a period of 5 years, let them take control of the country, i bet u my safricom shares, we will make more progress that we have made in the last 44 years! i wanted to represent Kenya in the international world, but they would probably fire me for being radical.

and they talk of a united states of Africa….who are u kidding? we dont even have a united republic of kenya! and the EAC will never work, look at how the tanzanians have failed to buy safaricom shares….south Africans think they are so great, i tell them kenya got to where it was through hard hard work, you got to where you are because the white man did all the work! we should have been colonised for longer, we would have better roads, hell we still use the rail they built for us!! and the difference between us N the white folks is, they actually use their brains and think of others, we use our brains to think of ourselves.

haya, on a better note, or is it a curious one, met a man who is into anal sex……i looked at him and said atiiiiiii????? u got to be kidding me!!

about me and the Mungiki

for writting my blog aout being a mungiki sympathiser yesterday, i had a few comments none of which supported me in my admiration for the group. again i clarify, i am not a supportor of the group just a sympathiser, dont know if that makes any difference. again i clarify, i admire their enterprenual skills, their organisation skills and their sense of brotherhood, but just because i do doesnt mean i approve. those who say that the mungiki blackmail people, well from my understanding of blackmail, i presume is and i qoute ‘the act of forcing somebody to pay money or do something by threatening to reveal shameful or incriminating facts about him or her’ unless am missing the point here, the mungiki dont blackmail people, they are simply demanding to be paid for protection services provided to the matatu owners. thats my opinion, bite me if am wrong. my fascination with this group has not began now, and i told myself i would keep an open mind about the group. i have watched on the sidelines, listened as people talked, always careful  never to be a contributor. i laugh at the fear in peoples eyes when they hear of the mungiki, i laugh not because its funny but at the misconception that people have about them. the mungiki will not hurt you or anyone in your family unles you have wronged them, just like the muslims dont jihad anybody who has not insulted their religion. maybe i sound like i support the group, but i dont. i just do not have a problem with them being around. if it means that i get a matatu to take me home in the evening then by all means pay the brothers their 100 shillings. thats a really small price to pay.

i have been a blogger for almost a year, always careful never to blog about my country, i read all your blogs for the past year, it bacame almost an addiction, this year i decided to join KWB, i got a blog at word press and left the one i had written at blogger. am not a computer whiz, my blogs are plain, i dont know how to customise them and am not really intrested. one of this days i will provide a link to my other blog. i do have my favourites on KWB and i was fascinated that M of thinkeroom could comment on my blog, he is one of my favourites.

but besides that, i have what people call radical ideas. i do not belive in the norm, never have. i always go against the grain just to provide conflict. if someone asked me to join the mungiki, i would probably agree, on condition that i skip the circumsition bit, the sniffing bit and the dreadlocks. i would agree just so that people can have something to talk about. am like that, irrational at times. however, someone asked me whether the fact that your grandfather fought for independence makes you more kenyan, i said no for the sake of diplomacy. what i wanted to say was YES, others were collaboraters, willing to sell out our country to the Brits, others like some people grandparents, died for this country, they have every right to be more kenyan. that sense of kenyanhood is lost, in the past 4 months i have been identified by my tribe not by my country. i met a pakistan who has lived in kenya, and he asked me to guess where he comes from, i guessed indian he looked at me and said, thats like me guessing you are a luo/Kikuyu.

do some tribes feel more kenyan than others???? yes. why? because they can, and because they feel they have a right to call kenya their own.they fought for it they darn well deserve to call it their own. am not a tribalist, am not a racist i just sit on the fence and go with the losing team, that way i get to make a lot of noise about injustice etc etc. thats just me, i dont take anything personally, i dont get personal, i just sit there observe and enjoy my life, after all, the fact that kenya has 42 ministers, or that the mungiki demand money form matatu owners, or the fact that am a kikuyu or luo,or the fact that its raining outside, doesnt improve my rank in the social economic grading, and neither does it put food on my table or pay school fees for me!!

a pleasant day to you all.

a mungiki sympathiser

Disclaimer: none of what is written below is actually factual!!

everyone is talking about them so let me join the band wagon. i must admit they have me completely awed. how they planned simultaneous attacks is simply ingenious. but then again we have no one at the watch tower, the people in charge were busy celebrating other successful daylight robbery. i still do not understand how kenyans can sit back and let the country have 42 ministers, i mean isnt it time we really had the one million man march??? could there EVER be a better reason to march on the streets than this???? but i digress.

back to the mungiki issue, some of their demands are unreasonable, but i tried to put myself into their shoes and i can now understand maybe a bit about why they feel disgruntled. imagine your grandfather having fought  for independence yet you live in poverty, in a slum, with not even a single acre of land to your name. the very thing your grandfather fought for or even perhaps died for is just an illusion to you. i would be very bitter about it. still that doesnt give me the right to wake up one morning and make everybody miserable! them wanting the gikuyu community to embrace their cultures and customs is perhaps noble, noting that 90% of the current community does not even know what their traditional dance is. being victimized, and i use this term loosely for wanting to steer a community back to its original customs is just…Well for lack of a better word pathetic. however, just because i have said that doesnt mean that i approve, it just means that i belive in equal rights and equal freedoms. if we are honest with each other, and if we would just remove our self righteousness we could perhaps agree that, the police, have deliberatly targeted the mungiki,just because am sniffing tobacco, and growing dreadlocks doesnt make me a criminal. and i assume that not all members of the mungiki are criminals, in every group they are bad seeds and the mungiki are no exception. as  i remember the police would stop jamaas in the streets to check if they had any underpants on, that to me is provocation, and if i were a member of the group i wuld be one pissed of cat. one must understand that the mungiki are bonded by a sense of brotherhood, you piss one off you may as well have called the whole lot ‘kihii’, they will come after you and they will hit you where it hurts most, but most of all they will make u an example to everyone else.

the  circumcision of women, and the humiliating experience they put women through is just a topic for another day. however, i do sympathize with the group. they did have a just cause originally but now they have been called a criminal gang. Mungiki have been among us for a long time, they have a following that if they were to be counted, would leave most of you with mouths open wide. Dont think that the mungiki are just the ones you see doing running battles with the police, there are many more. the mungiki have only been criminilised in recent years. prior to that, we knew they existed but treated them the same way we treat Jehovah witnesses, or Rastafarian’s. they were just a group, anyone could join. why they behead people is completely beyond me, but to make a very unintelligent guess, they are bound by oaths, breaking of this oaths have consequences, maybe beheading is just one of them, i really dont want to get into that.

lets admit, somewhere deep in our hearts, we do admire this people. like they said they do have the ability to completely paralyse the country, dont let Eric kiraithe lie to you that they got it under control, because they dont. understand that this group knows people, who know people, who know people, and they have a huge advantage to their side and that is public fear. the moment they say dont dare get out of your door tomorrow, i doubt a single one of us has the gutts to defy. and with that i rest my case!!

Ala….

ala, am increasingly liking him, he is the sweetest person i have met in a while.lakini i have just come out of a very long relationship. i am in no hurry lakini i must admit its been a long time since i got some. he is being patient and yesterday i got home from work only for him to tell me he had made enough dinner for two, could he bring some over? of course i said yes and its was one of the best meals i have ever had..prepared by a guy.

i really dont know how to proceed. it seems i have always made the wrong choices…only time will tell

another odd week

am doing okay, am just a little pissed off with my fellow country mates i thought its time we spoke up about having a bloated cabinet!! i mean 42 ministers is just ridiculous. where are we supposed to get money to pay them??? donor aid? we have people in camps and others starving and we have  a cabinet of 42 members?? i truly miss moi, he had his week points but at least we knew who was in charge. kenyans should just have a sit in, as in paralyse the country till someone does something about the cabinet…..otherwise i had a fun day

okay went back to school today, life is turning out to be sweeter than i generally expected!! i really like JK am just not sure he can handle the baggage in my life at the moment. CK is out of my life now which is a trememndor relief. let some other gal deal with his cheating snoring ass! now what to do about this bump he left me with, need a whole lot of money to correct it something i dont really have at the moment….but we will see how it goes…am dying to have chinese!

he he

LOL, what a wonderful way to end a fantastic weekend!! Yes JK, i did indeed enjoy the stairs…..lol……next time we shall try the lift at TK! really had a great fantastic weekend. now that am back to school tomorrow, lets hope this term is better than the last….lol, i still cant help laughing, stairs??????