Loud Silence

therapy

boinah — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 01:20:15 +0000

its been so long since i blogged that i really have enjoyed going through the posts i had written earlier on. a lot has gone on, 2009 began, i moved in with my man( probably one of the worst things i ever did in theory anyway), got a permanent job and grew fat. but i knew why i used to blog it was to get opinions from people i dint know, advice was never biased as none of them knew me, and i kind of need the therapeutic feeling that came along from unleashing about my feelings on a blog that was accesible to all people of diffrent walks of life.

i need that feeling back and so i am am back to blogging…..expect alot from me.

so its my birthday….heres what i have to say!

boinah — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 08:51:39 +0000

its sunday and its my birthday. i turn a quarter century old today, i wish i could say i was elated but am not i really feel nothing. i have alot to be greatful for mostly for the gift of friends and for the incredible gift of family. i know my family is busy today having an itega for my granpa who remains on oxygen and with so much on their plate it would be selfish for me to ask for anything. they are the 5 people who would kill for me and die for me and none of us is usaully afraid to admit to that. i have had lots of joys, tears, achievement etc and i hope this next year will be ohhh so much better than the last. either way as long as am alive i can always make the best out of it.

am also very angry at my self for being angry at the man i love for i told him i dint want anything for my birthday he actually took my word for it and got me nothing. eeehhhh what part of female speak dont u understand?????? u get me nothing coz i ask u to get me nothing?????? are u insane or just plain stupid?????????? then he puts the cherry on top by saying, i dint get u a present but i will give you the best present their is and thats my love…i honestly almost gagged!! thats just cheap and cheesy and i dont expect my man to be either. buy me cheap earrings or something…u give me your love, fucking hell, what wrong with you! your love is expected, presents are to be given, i have your love already i dont need to wait for the 7th of september to get a present of love, its like my mum saying i gave you life and so for the rest of your life thats your birthday present.

i feel really bad that am angry but also feel justified, so i have decided that i will spend today in the comfort of my room with cheap chinese take away and a bottle of red wine, and watch shrek. thats my plan for today, and no he is not invited. am now off to church to thank God for the gift of another year…..happy birthday to me.

i lost syke…

boinah — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 22:49:20 +0000

i have always wondered how you spell syke, does it have a p? who cares professors have just proved that spelling is very none essential as long as the message is conveyed. so i have lost syke for blogging ever since i realised that bloggers where a bunch of *@#% am still annoyed at the ntimama issue, anywho, we have had a shit summer and that a season that should be replaced with something else, when they talk of summer in Britain it means rain, more rain and severe weather warnings…in the meantime am i the only one fascinated at the way bolt runs? the dude just cant be bothered to run….he has this annoying air of arrogance that he wont bother to run till like the last 100 yards or so, by the way if an athelete has unfair advantage over the rest does that make it a fair competition???? i mean the man is so tall that his strides just leave the others with no chance, i dont think thats fair, and phelps what is it with him?? give it a rest man, show off!!! and am i the only one who thinks America holds the world at ransom…good at everything!!!

am not making sense am i? thats how it feels to lose syke for blogging…you just blabber on and on and on and on and on..like that advert for kenylon…lol

Why do we blog??

boinah — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 14:06:46 +0000

why do we blog? after many feelings of hopelessness at the Ntimama issue( yes am still on about that) i realised the people who had the power to do anything just couldnt be bothered. the pen is mighter than the sword so the say, so why have u all gone quiet and ignored this like it doesnt matter? why is it that u always blog about what happens but have chosen to go silent? even the famous kumekucha seems to have either joined the group of bloggers that has decided to turn around like those words were never uttered!!

so why do u all blog? i blog because my friends are far from this place and sometimes my emotions are too much i have to put them into words! sometimes i blog so i can get an honest opinion from strangers i will never meet and who dont know me well enough to give biased opinion or advice. other times i blog because i feel the need to contribute to a topic. most of the time i blog coz am idle and have alot of time in on my hands. i started blogging coz i thought it was cool to own a blog, i wanted to be able to see myself through other peoples words, i wanted to be able to bare it all out, my emotions, my fears and joyous moments. nobody knows who i am where i come from or how i look like. its a sort of freedom to be able to say my deepest fears and share my darkest secrets without having to be afraid of being judged, and even if you judged me then hell i dont care.

i wanted to blog just so i could say i own a blog, hell after a while i wanted to blog just to see if i can make a difference. well i just had to hit myself on the head with a rolling pin to get it to my head in the last week or so that i CANT make a difference, i will NOT make a difference with a silly blog called loud silence and i SHOULD NOT even try.

so why do u blog?

SIIIIGGGGHHHHH….

boinah — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 15:16:23 +0000

SO my boyfriend has manged to overtake Ntimama on making me angry. thats just a story for another day…aaahhh young love!! i have been sitting on my ass all weekend trying to come up with a strategy on how to go about the Ntimama Business i can tell you i have had many a sighs on that one. i want to do something but am not sure what or if it will make a difference. a petition of either face book or any other social site will only be that a petition! am getting increasingly agitated by my lack of a solution to this. none of the other bloggers seems too keen to take this up and am all alone wondering if there is anything i can do to make it even remotely count. am just one person with no backing and no real idea how to handle this. am a lawyer but am not sure my lawyerly skills will help me out. can i bring charges as an ordinary citizen? what will that inmvolve? do i have that kind of money? where are the big mouths who jump at a hotel being sold but cant even speak at the death of 600 people?

this is really getting to me, whose help can i enlist and how far can i take this?????? most of you will have forgotten the incident, and like me your personal lives may overtake this but am not sure i can perosnally forget even when the man i love has decided to act like a complete idiot for reasons best known to himself, i just have one question does he really want to take me on???? he may be older by 6 years but i have dealt with far worse people than him to gain enough confidence to show him am not one of those nice girls you treat the way you want and get away with it. he will come around. unfortunately i wish dealing with Ntimama was as easy as dealing with my boyfriend….

maybe its time i got down on my knees and asked God to please give Mr. Ntimama a disease that wont kill him but leave him permanentle in pain and useless…..a stroke maybe?

Stand up and be counted…….

boinah — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:32:04 +0000

i want us to unite, please for just this one thing….i have been going through my head of the possible options that i have at the moment concerning that ole Ntimama, i have several one is to bring this to the attention of a wider community not just the few bloggers, two is to send this to a few media houses here in Europe, human rights watch, etc, three is to blog about this till somebody takes notice, facebook is also another option…am still waiting to se what to do.i can only think rationally after i have cooled down..i have never been filled with so much anger!!

i am sooooooo Angry……

boinah — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:32:10 +0000

i am so angry right now am not sure i can write properly!!!! i have just watched the NTV clip on Ntimama, i cant write right now am so angry, i am having trouble breathing…600 people, oooohhhhhh u are so not going to sweep this under the carpet not if the kenyan blogsphere starting with me can help it…..i have plans and belive me mr Ntimama they dont include killing anyone, but by God you will pay…..

too much too soon

boinah — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:59:33 +0000

the ICC is threatening to bring a sitting president to the court. there are very many happy people with this decision and an equally angry number of people. i as usual take to the sidelines and watch cheering none but silently taking notes. am going to sit out on this one though am on the front line for human rights and DONT approve what is happening in Dafur. however let me see, the ICC want to indict a sitting president not just any sitting president but a sitting president of an African Muslim nation. besides the fact that thats an invitation for trouble that can also bee interpreted as a threat to the sovereignity of Sudan as a nation. there are many angles to this development, most of which are not very pleasant to explore, but i think that the ICC has probably though with good intentions has bitten more than it can chew…but lets sit this one out and see what the jury decides….

but its a very daring move one that may have ripples far and wider than what anyone ever imagined..kudos to the court for being so brave but i tell you am shaking my head at the possibilities….

he popped the question….

boinah — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 21:41:46 +0000

first your will drop your jaw…please close it. no he dint ask me to marry him he asked me to move in….ha ha ha my ribs hurt. do you know what my parents would say if they realised i was living with a man before he has formally introduced himself????? thats the top of my worry. second moving in with him isnt that kind of a commitment??? like yeah am truly yours and you are mine we share a toilet and a bed and you see me when am PMSing etc…i cant handle it. simple truth am AFRAID. economically it makes sense and i could save heaps on rent money but can our lives mesh harmoniously???? i have never lived with a man am not very sure i can, but it has to be done at some point….does this mean am reaching a point in my life where i have to start getting ready not to run away at the first sign of commitment. i love my on the run life, i dont have to like too much and i dont like to get hurt too much am on the fence, whichever side i fall its never too hard. could this be the real thing????? do i even want this to be the real thing?????? am i the real thing????? whats the real thing anyway?

what should i do, my mother would kill me if i dared to move in with a man without a wedding ring on my finger….the man is pretty serious but eeehhh i dont think so….

so what next….?

boinah — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:40:59 +0000

so i have failed to get funding for my flight fare to the world youth forum in Quebec. am a tad dissappointed. i mean all i need is airfare and my visa fees all else is catered for. i could buy myself a ticket but am also the one paying for my school fees and i just have to prioritise what most important and right now its my school fees. i will be a virtual participant though since i cant afford to travel there.

i had a very weird night last nite, sort of seems surreal, someone asked me to go over to his house at about 11:30Pm. normally i would not dare venture out of my house past 10pm am very aware of the british pyschos and am not about to put myself at risk. nway called a cab and went, long story short, i knocked at the door,sent text messages, called a zillion times, he dint open the door, nor pick up the fone and i stood there for about 20 minutes before it started drizzling on me and i had run out of units on my fone so i had to look for a phone booth and call a cab, at the phone booth i dint get through to the cab company and i had used up all my coins, so i decided to run..yes run to the nearest night club about a mile and a half away, in the rain at midnight….let me just say this i said 20 millions fuck me’s for getting myself into such a situation!! never the less, i got home eventually and i just rolled on the floor laughing, i was so angry that the only emotion i could portray was laughter. my flatmate who i had just borrowed two pounds from just incase i dint have enough money in my purse could not understand, he just looked into my room and asked me…what are you doing running around at night, i just dint bother to answer. as for the mr in this series, i hope to higher powers he never calls me again…..he wont like what i have to say…..and by the way it was my boyfriend….ladies any suggestions on how to get back at him???????